


Coming Apart On Top of You

by impalafortrenchcoats



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Assassins & Hitmen, Blood and Violence, Eventual Happy Ending, It's going to be a bumpy ride, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Slow Burn, the coffee shop au no one asked for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-10-26 04:56:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10780020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalafortrenchcoats/pseuds/impalafortrenchcoats
Summary: Seokjin is trying to piece together a life while tearing down his past one brick at a time. Namjoon is fighting to build his future while struggling to handle the present.It wasn't a very convenient time to fall in love.And when the skeletons in the closet are much more literal than most, the challenges of their relationship could prove deadly.





	1. Chapter 1

It was late morning in the cafe when the man walked in. The morning swarm had finally cleared, and it was now the quiet before the sad, desperate souls of the afternoon crowd came stumbling in for their pick-me-ups. This was especially true for the pencil-pushers of the surrounding businesses, who came and left in a haze of overworked dead eyes. It really made Hoseok question whether or not to go into business like everyone else. Well, that was a problem for the future. 

In the meantime, he was busy killing time, slowly refilling the straw stand one straw at a time, all the while contemplating the next part of his scheme to woo his ever aloof coworker, Yoongi. The first part had gone relatively well. After three months of working together, Yoongi finally knew his name and was no longer fucking it up.

Hoseok indulged in a giant mocha macchiato with coconut milk that day to celebrate.

Now, step two, small talk.

Okay, maybe that was too much. Best not get too greedy. One should always set realistic goals for oneself. Maybe just saying ‘hi’. That sounded good. 

As he set about testing out different tones for the procedure, the familiar chime of the door rang and a tall figure ambled into the cafe.

Hoseok brightened when he recognized the man as a regular. He had only been working in the cafe for about five months or so, and he had no idea when the man started coming in for his coffee. But one thing was for sure, the man sure knew how to get the staff’s gossip mill going. A primary contributor to the constant gossip was the fact that, to this day, no one knew the man’s name. 

At some point he was just dubbed Tall, Pink, and Handsome by some of the female staff, and the rather apt name stuck.

Nowadays, almost everyone who took his order just scribbled TPH on his cup, and that was the end of that. The man didn't seem to mind, and if the stories were to be believed, had even thrown a ridiculously cute aegyo at the person who had finally explained the meaning to him.

Hoseok was in the minority who decided to have some fun with the nameless one. After some hardcore nosing around and an aggressive application of his sunshiny charm, he had found out that the man had a soft spot for Disney, and the princesses in particular. He now made sure to write down some Disney character’s moniker on the cup, and when possible, he always tried to add a little bit of trivia.

It wasn't something that he would usually do for someone who was essentially a stranger, but Hoseok was good at reading people.

And something told him that the man was due some harmless joy in life.

It was easy to see when the man noticed Hoseok looking his way as he immediately smiled and waved as he made his way over.

Not to be outdone, he did his patented impression of the sun and returned the smile with interest, “Well, look who decided to show up! I was starting to think you were cheating on us with that new coffee shop down the street.”

The man gave a whinnying bark of a laugh before trying to give Hoseok a stern glare. It was completely ruined by the twitching of his lips as he tried to contain the smile, “How dare you question my loyalty, you uncouth rapscallion. I’ll have you know I was on a business trip and was barely holding it together without my beloved coffee. Your coffee beans were haunting my dreams.”

Hoseok snorted at the honestly cringe-worthy melodrama, “Uh-huh. So what’s it going to be today?”

“The usual. I need to get this body back on its usual regime. Something, something, my body, my temple, you know the drill.” He waggled his eyebrows at Hoseok and leaned on the counter, straddling the lines between social dumbass and creepy uncle masterfully. 

Hoseok had to roll his eyes before saying, “you are so freaking lame, dude. This is why you're still single, even with that face.”

“Does your manager know you speak this way to your best customer? And I'll have you know I'm hot shit. Civilizations have crumbled for less beautiful faces than this!”

“Let no one tell you you don't have self-confidence.”

“Who needs self-confidence when you got this face?” He even puckered his lips for emphasis. 

Hoseok sighed and just called it quits. It was up for debate whether or not this guy was serious, and despite his people reading skills, he truly couldn't say. Instead, he just grabbed a plastic cup and said, “So, one iced almond latte, right?”

The man hummed his approval before trying to lean over the counter to get a better look at the cup. He asked, “What about you? What's it going to be today?”

Hoseok quickly pulled the cup away from view, “Nuh-uh. No peeking! You'll see it when the coffee's done!”

He then proceeded to scribble on the cup for a bit before scuttling off to make the drink. As he went about his business with heating up the milk, he could see the man loitering rather cheerfully by the pastries. The image of the man’s avid interest in the new batch of lobster-decorated cupcakes gave him the perfect inspiration. 

He smiled to himself and added a few more scribbles to the side of the cup. 

“How about a hint,” the man called. “The anticipation is just killing me.”

“You never heard of ‘delayed gratification’?”

“Wow. ‘Gratification,’ you say? Aren't you confident today. I'll have you know, I've been spoiled. It'll take more that a sad cat doodle and a barely legible ‘Mufasa’ to please me.”

“That’s it. No more business trips for you. You get too uppity after them for any one’s comfort. And what do you mean barely legible!”

“I'm sorry. Your handwriting is no good.”

“You wound me.”

“I'll leave a nice tip?”

“You heal me.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, and when Hoseok finally finished up the latte, he tried to make a heart in the foam, but it ended up looking more like a lopsided pear. Mr. TPH didn't seem to mind and quickly turned the cup around to see his writing.

 

_ Ariel _

_ The dress worn at the dinner is a combination of all previous princesses’ dresses. _

 

Hoseok felt the bright smile the man gave him was well worth the effort of trying to fit all that writing onto cup. He took a sip of his latte, before waving his thanks and slipping out the door.

Once again, Hoseok was left alone to wonder about the mysterious TPH. At least, Ruth would be happy to know the man had returned. A significant portion of the staff had been mourning the lack of handsomeness in their work life. 

Oh, well. That wasn’t his problem. He really needed to get back to his game plan for Yoongi. 

 

+++

 

_ Journal Entry 1 _

_ March 21, 2013 _

 

_ Okay, so how am I supposed to do this? This is a journal, just to be clear, not a diary. Fucking Seulji said this shit helps clear thoughts and shit, but I think it's just a girl thing.  _

_ Okay, fuck. I don't know. Hi, this is Park Jimin, I'm 21 years old, a dance major, oh, and most importantly, a royal fuck up. So much fucking up to be had, I have sowed and reaped the fruits of my fuckery. My crops of fuck ups is plentiful. Oh my god, this is so stupid. Don't ever listen to Seulji. She's the queen of bad ideas. _

_ HOLY FUCK! This whole thing was her fault; what am I talking about? Okay. You know what? _

_ Summary of my recent fuck up: I may have met the love of my life at the club last night, because shit those legs were to die for, the arms as well, oh my god, his face. Who am I kidding? I met God last night. But I also listened to Seulji, who is the devil, and got fucking wasted. And am pretty sure I told Beautiful that I was flexible as fuck, and I was super down to fuck.  _

_ And proceeded to prove my point by kicking my leg up, and basically did a vertical split on the man’s shoulder. _

_ Then, the lovely icing on the cake, I'm pretty sure I barfed all over the poor bastard. _

_ FUCK YOU, SEULJI, THIS IS MAKING THE MEMORY WORSE NOT BETTER!!!!  _

_ So, thankfully I don't remember shit after, but according to the she-devil herself, this guy probably really has the patience of God, since he apparently helped her drag my sorry drunk ass home.  _

_ And now, I will end my misery with ice-cream because fuck you, Seulji, journals don't fucking help. _

_ Worst part is, I won't ever see Beautiful, again, and I'm hungover and don't even have the sore ass to at least say I got a decent lay for my troubles. _

_ I hate my life. _

 

+++

 

The entire office building was supposed to be empty by this time of night. It was nearing 2 AM, so the fact a lone glowing computer screen was lit in a sea of black screens was an anomaly in and of itself. However, the eerie cast of the light from the screen as well as the dim glow of the exit signs and secondary lighting system made the figure seated in front of a computer seem otherworldly in appearance. 

Given the time, the man seemed unusually alert despite his eyes appearing glued to the screen in front of him. He sat with his back straight, motionless - waiting. The silence and stillness permeated everything in the sprawling emptiness of the office space. And time seemed almost frozen.

Then, in the distance, growing slowly but just as ominously and relentlessly as the sound of an oncoming train, echoes of screams drifted into the room, rising from the floors below. 

It kept building, and the closer and louder it became, the muted blasts of gunshots and thuds of falling bodies became easily identifiable to the man’s ears. 

Everything reached a crescendo, and as quickly as it came, the noises disappeared and silence rang once more. 

The man let out a slightly shaky breath, but his face remained impassive as ever.

It was not until a ding from the hallway behind him alerted him to the arrival of the elevator and the subsequent hissing signaled the opening of said elevator doors, that the man finally moved, although it was just to take off his glasses and pinch the bridge of his nose.

Without looking, he spoke, “You’ve really gone and made a mess of things, haven’t you.”

Silence answered him, but this time punctuated by the hair-raising feel of eyes on his back.

He sighed and continued, “I've been waiting for you. Figured you would come here first.” 

He didn't expect a reply. Instead, with slow and precise motion, he tugged a USB drive from the computer and placed it to the side, away from him, all the while still not turning around.

“I tried to warn you. Headquarters always know; they always find out. If anything, I was surprised you all managed to keep it quiet for as long as you did.”

Just as he finished speaking, a hand came to rest on his shoulder, sitting uncomfortably close to his neck. He was made all the more aware of the dire circumstances by the thumb running slow, easy circles on the back of his neck.

He swallowed again, “For what it's worth, they didn't hear it from me.”

Finally, he received a response. A soft masculine voice answered him at last, speaking in an unnaturally light tone. If anything, he felt he could almost imagine the gentle smile on the other man’s face, “I know.”

It was readily clear that this was the only reason why they were even speaking, and that he wasn't another casualty to the night.

“What are you doing here, Onew?” The man’s tone was still light, almost jovial, as if this was a surprise run-in with an old friend at the grocers.

Onew would have tried to relax more if the tang of fresh blood wasn't clinging to the other man like an overbearing cologne.

“I wanted to give you this,” Onew indicated the USB. “Everything you want is there. Locations of all offices and safe houses, the comprehensive list of everyone employed, everything you would ever need to wipe them from existence.”

There was a pause, then the other man gave a short laugh.

Onew stiffened when the next words out of the man’s mouth were right next to his ear, his breath tickling the side of Onew’s cheek, “Thank you very much. But I can't help but wonder why you're doing this.”

Ignoring the beads of sweat trickling down his forehead, Onew tried to keep his voice steady as he answered, “My team. I want you to spare my team. We won't stop you; I'll take them out of this, I swear.”

The man hummed, the sound resonating through Onew from their proximity, “That would be a little incriminating for you, wouldn't it?”

“Then you would just have to be a dear and kill them all for me, if it's not too much trouble.”

He finally backed away with a snort, “Never thought you were the gambling sort.”

“Never thought I was either. Key thinks this is a suicide mission you're on.”

“How did you manage to convince him to go along with this?”

“I figure I would just say sorry later.”

Silence took hold of the room once more, and Onew waited on bated breath for the man’s decision. He almost wept in relief when, from the corner of his eye, he watched a hand take the drive. 

“When I come for them, make sure you and your team are gone. If I see any one of you -”

“You won't.”

The hand on his shoulder patted him.

“How long do we have?” He couldn't help but ask.

“Now, now, Onew. That would be telling.”

Onew nodded. He didn't want to push his luck, this had already gone better than he had hoped. He felt the man back away, so he went to pick up his glasses.

“Oh, and sorry about the mess.”

Pausing in confusion for a moment, Onew put on the glasses and glanced to the side, taking in the dark, bloody handprint on his shoulder.

He shrugged, “It was an ugly shirt, anyway.”

As he listened to the man’s retreating footsteps, Onew turned to face him for the first time that night.

“Seokjin-ah,” he called and he waited for the figure to turn. “Please don't fuck this up.”

The man just smiled and nodded before disappearing into the elevator.

Onew sighed. Now he just had to figure out how to break the news to the rest of the guys.

 

+++

 

**Good evening.**

**Tonight ten are dead after a fire broke out at a local office building on the outskirts of Seoul, bordering Namyangju. The building is one of many ran by Ayao Industries, a local shipping company owned by founder and CEO Lee Beomsoo.**

**The incident occurred in the early morning hours, when a skeleton crew had been reworking the building’s wiring in preparation for an upcoming remodel. According to the company spokesman, Cha Hakyeon, the fire had started when faulty wiring combined with materials on scene had resulted in the explosion which killed the men. Mr. Cha made it clear that all company personnel are cooperating with local officials as investigations continue.**

**Concerns regarding whether or not the building was up to code are central to the investigation.**

**This tragedy follows in the aftermath of another as Mr. Lee and family are still reeling from the loss of their son, Lee Byunghun, in a tragic car accident just three days prior.**

**Despite personal hardships, Mr. Lee remains adamant the company’s expansion efforts will continue, and construction on overseas offices in Vietnam will remain on schedule. The new location will be dedicated to his late son upon completion.**

 

+++

 

_ Journal Entry 2 (Am I supposed to be numbering these?) _

_ March 25, 2013 _

 

_ TALL, DARK, AND BEAUTIFUL SHOWED UP AT MY WORK TODAY!!!!  _

_ Apparently, I drunkenly invited him to the book signing, and Seulji gave him the details when I passed out. _

_ Seulji. I may owe this girl some money. A lifetime of alcohol. My first born child. Nah, too much. _

_ But I fucking owe her. O-W-E! _

_ Can I just say drunk me is lame as fuck, though. A book signing? Really? They're giving out free snacks here, but I'm coming off as a real cheapskate, starving college student status notwithstanding.  _

_ Fuck, but the guy is hot as fuck. Like gorgeous. So, I already mentioned the hot bod. Like muy caliente. Burn me with your fire, hot, right? But, come on, I’m a realistic guy, and I know it could have been a combination of the club lighting and my beer goggles.  _

_ No. Not at all. Nope. He’s not just hot. He’s ADORABLE. He’s got these giant doe eyes and this boopable nose! Does he know he’s lethal cute! Like, he has this kind of face that should be dopey, but he fucken dodged that with a hard pass and slammed straight into wet dreams territory.  _

_ Basically, I don't know what he's doing coming to my crappy little bookstore really. Although, he did seem a bit out of touch. Who in their right mind would be that interested in hearing me talk about stocking books. He was probably just humoring me, honestly. I mean it's not much but it pays, not much I can do about that until I graduate. We can't all be international photographers or whatever. _

_ At least I think that's what he does. We ended up ditching the book signing and he took us to dinner. I noticed some equipment in the backseat of the car and some camera stuff. It had gotten kind of awkwardly quiet, so I decided to break the silence by asking him if he had just come back from a shoot. _

_ I think if there are any future outings, I might just have to suggest public transit because he clearly wasn't one of those guys who could multitask talking and driving. The guy almost missed a turn and drove straight into oncoming traffic. Yeah. I wasn't down for that kind of life. No Fast and Furious for this Jimin. _

_ Also, he seemed kind of mad I asked. Though, A+ for hot side glare. I would put up with inexplicable mood swings, if I got to look at those eyes when things got hot and heavy. _

_ Don’t get me wrong, I am not easy, but a guy’s got to be honest with himself. And I've dated enough art sorts to know they could be moody. _

_ He wanted clarification apparently, so I had to explain the camera and what not. Maybe he really didn't want to be confused with the film sort. Who knows with these art guys. _

_ Dinner was amazing, and he paid. I think I'm in love. _

_ Feed me. That's all I ask. _

_ Aw, shit. I am easy. _

_ Only down side of the evening was the lack of a kiss. I feel like a kiss after getting dropped off would be mandatory after our rocky start.  _

_ Considering the disastrous meet cute, there was no point to being coy now. I want my kiss, damn it.  _

_ Whatever. I got his number. _

_ Now, I just have to check the bank and see if I could afford something nice for Seulji. She deserves it. _

_ I take back calling her a she-devil. _

 

+++

 

“Well? What is your plan for the situation?”

“We had our people on clean up. The fire destroyed most of the evidence. Even if something slips, we have some of the investigators in our pocket. The public won’t know the truth.”

“I really don't give a fuck about the public. How do we get rid of our little problem?”

“You say ‘little problem,’ I say ‘critical disaster.’ I don't think you're taking this situation as seriously as should be warranted.”

“He's one man.”

“He's one of our best men.”

“You said he could be trusted.”

“It seems I was wrong.”

“And now you're saying you can handle it.”

“I will.”

“Let's hope you're not wrong, again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Chapter Edited: July 3, 2017
> 
> Special thanks to [dharyism](http://dharyism.tumblr.com), [juvi-lockser](http://juvi-lockser.tumblr.com), and [allourheroes](http://allourheroes.tumblr.com) for looking over the fic! Cleaning up my hot mess is a task, so hugs, y'all!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter has several instances of graphic depictions of violence. And really depending on how you feel about certain things, I recommend reading at your own discretion.
> 
> *SPOILER* This is a tiny spoiler to skip/skim the bloody bits: This is mostly to help anyone who really wants to avoid the violence, but 1. if the hammers are brought out, start skimming or going to the next section, and 2. a certain phone call might have some graphic content which is briefly mentioned.

_ Journal Entry 4 (This is numbering business is beginning to be a hassle) _

_ April 24, 2013 _

 

_ I am dating a Neanderthal. And I think I like it.  _

_ Over my dead body would he hear it from me, though. I seriously did not need to know manhandling is a kink I have. My days are now haunted by the idea of him tossing me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and slapping my ass as he drags me back to his cave. _

_ It’s the muscles, I’m going to say it’s the muscles. Who would have thought photography could get you biceps like those. Maybe I’m in the wrong field. It’s probably from dragging all the camera equipments… or he’s just a gym enthusiast. _

_ Also, general life update: In case it wasn’t clear, Kookie and I are officially going out. Fuck yeah. It's been five dates and only two disasters. A much better ratio than that tornado romance freshman year, so I’m counting that as a win. _

_ Overall life is finally looking good, but it’s definitely time to hatch out some game plans because this isn't going to work. The situation is dire, and I just can't take it anymore. _

_ It's been over a month. Downstairs Jimin needs some love as well. _

 

_ Pros: _

 

  * __Kookie is bae, so bae__


  * _He’s got a well paying job and doesn’t judge me for my shitty financial affairs_


  * _Kookie is hot, so hot, fire of my loins (if only)_


  * _He is really fun, once we hacked through the shy streak_


  * _He can kiss_


  * _I’m going out with a gorgeous human being who is so out of my league it’s not even funny (I am not drawing hearts because I am an adult man, I am just going to mentally note this is a heart drawing situation)_



 

 

_ Cons: _

 

  * __Kookie is too bae, guy won't let me live__


  * _I'm not a gold digger, how do I tell him to calm with the gifting_


  * _Seriously too caliente… Mr. Right-Hand has been embarrassingly intimate with my dick, I'm surprised the guy ain't raw by now_


  * _I low key miss shy Kookie. He's after my soul now, the little shit._


  * _He can fucking kiss, but my dick is still living the life of a monk_


  * _I feel like he’s keeping a distance, but I want to show him how much I like him… WITH MY DICK!_



 

 

_ OPERATION CLIMB THAT MAN-TREE INITIATED.  _

_ Will update on progress. _

_ Side note: Entry 3 has been destroyed because even I'm too ashamed to reread the blabberings of my blue-balls. _

 

+++

 

Rows upon rows of storage units lined the pier in a facsimile of a gridlock. The faulty lights which haphazardly sprinkled the layout flickered at random intervals, and the hum of their wiring was only occasionally drowned out by the lapping of the water nearby. Ayao Industries had a few warehouses with lots similar to these which generally served as housing for excess goods and were maintained by a small crew. 

So much so that when three figures ran at breakneck speeds down one of the many pathways between the units toward the building of the warehouse, it was perhaps the most action seen at any of these locations. One of the slighter figures, a young woman, broke ahead, making a beeline for doors.

“Momo, get the locks! Hurry!” a feminine voice called from the second figure, who was still some distance away.

Just as Momo slammed into the door and began to work at the padlock, the clang of what sounded like an empty can being kicked across the cement broke through the night, echoing from some undefinable place in the yard. They all froze, terror apparent on all their faces.

Momo was the first to break out of the paralysis and continued to grapple with the lock in her trembling hands. The third figure finally stumbled toward the second woman, grabbing her by the shoulder. In the flickering lights of the yard, the worried face of the man was beaded with sweat as he gripped the young woman’s shoulders.

“Jihyo, listen,” he panted, “I'll try to buy you two some time, but you need to go, now. Don't look back.”

“Jeongbong!”

“No arguing. Go. It's been a pleasure working with you girls,” he smiled kindly, and shoved her forward.

Jihyo didn't have time to say much else, when the rattle of the padlock falling signaled Momo’s success with the door.

“Jihyo! Pinky! Let's go!” Momo called as she tugged the door open.

Hesitating for just a moment, Jihyo turned to give their mentor a questioning look, but when he only smiled and nodded, she had no choice but to purse her lips and move forward. Making her way to Momo, she shoved the other woman into the open doorway and slammed the door behind her.

She never looked back.

Momo’s ragged breaths rang loudly in the silence of the warehouse, “Jihyo, what about Pinky?”

“He's not coming.”

 

+++

 

Bang Si Hyuk was just finishing up with the counters, wiping down the culmination of day’s messes. He just had to put away some glasses and do another run through of the cafe before closing for the day. It was Christmas Eve’s eve, and he was definitely looking forward to closing up for the next two days. He had even sent Sejin home early. It was sweet of his nephew to keep stopping by to see how his cafe was going, but given that he's been in business going on six months now, he was a little suspect of how much of it was the man checking up on him and how much was just him trying to binge on some free coffee. Still, the man was pretty helpful around the shop and usually helped him clean up for the day, so he couldn't say anything. Considering Sejin had his own full time job and family, Si Hyuk did appreciate the extra time the man gave to his bachelor uncle. 

And since he was entertaining himself with plans of how he would like to spend his nice quiet Christmas Eve before heading off to his brother’s for Christmas, when the chime of the front door signaled a customer’s arrival, Si Hyuk couldn't help but groan a little. Sejin must have forgotten to flip the sign on his way out.

Closing the cupboard he was rummaging in, he glanced at the clock they had in the back kitchen and let out an exasperated sigh. It was well past ten. The person must really be jonesing for a cup of coffee, but they were just going to have to go somewhere else. He had a date with his couch and TV tonight.

He sighed again and headed to the register, ready to tell whoever it was that they were already closed for the evening.

And he quickly changed his mind the second he caught sight of the person.

The young man was definitely a new customer. While his little cafe might be new, the majority of his customers were regulars, mostly from surrounding businesses or people living close by. And Si Hyuk can say with certainty that they were definitely not the sort of people who looked like the man who was standing in the middle of his shop.

In fact, he briefly wondered if the man was an idol. The young man was very slender, but with a solid physique, and his bleach blonde hair was pulled back into a messy short man-bun, which worked surprisingly well despite his light business attire. His business could do with a popularity boost that a picture and signature from an idol would bring.

However, he quickly shot the idea down when he got a good look at the man’s face. Sure he was handsome, but the sheepish smile he sent Si Hyuk seemed oddly calculated and unnervingly detached.

No, he didn't think this man was an idol.

Bang Si Hyuk was not a trusting man, he would be the first to admit. He didn't believe all that nonsense about all men being good, that it was only with the corruption of society that brought men to do evil. Everyone is born capable of all manners of horrendous acts. This Si Hyuk firmly believed in.

What he never subscribed to, however, was the saying that no good deed goes unpunished. No matter what evils others were capable of, he would never allow those actions to affect his own in trying to be a decent human being.

So when Bang Si Hyuk got a good look at the man and every bone in his body all but screamed that this man was dangerous, he also took a good look at the man’s eyes, and all he saw was something raw.

If this man wanted a coffee at ass o’clock in the evening, then Si Hyuk was giving him that damn cup. He clearly needed it.  

Throwing on his most welcoming smile, Si Hyuk used the usual catchphrase that's gotten him enough groans to know he'll never let it die, “Hello, first time with Bangtan Cafe?”

The man tilted his head as he blinked in obvious confusion, “Do you say that to all your customers?”

Si Hyuk grinned, “Yup.”

“Do you still have customers?”

He had to laugh at that, “I'll have you know at this establishment we pride ourselves on our customer service! And first impressions are everything. We strive to give our customers an experience like no other, here.”

“Well, consider yourself successful there. You haven't said anything about your coffee, though.”

“Because it's a given. We’re the best. Nothing but the freshest brews for our lovely customers.”

For the first time since he walked in, Si Hyuk could say the man had an honest smile in his face.

“Selling yourself a bit high, aren't you?”

“What do the kids say these days? Don't diss it before you taste it? You're going to love our coffee, satisfaction guaranteed.”

“I'm pretty sure that's not how that goes.”

“You get the idea. So, what will it be?”

“What do you recommend?”

Si Hyuk busied himself turning on some of the machines, when inspiration hit, “You know what? How about I surprise you? Just answer a few questions for me.”

“Ooh! Sounds fun.”

“So, hot or cold?”

“Hot, please.”

“Any allergies?”

“Nope,” the man popped his ‘p’ when he answered.

“How sweet do you like your drinks?”

“The sweeter the better.”

“Really? I didn't take you for someone with a sweet tooth. Alright, last one, caffeine, how much can you handle.”

“I'm not planning on sleeping tonight.”

“Great! I have something in mind, then. Have a seat, it'll take a few minutes.”

The man slowly approached the counter, and Si Hyuk realized his hair looked a tad damp, and he was only wearing a button up, which was rather out of place given the snow outside. He just hoped drugs weren't involved, since the last thing he wanted to deal with before the holidays was a druggie in his shop. But again, he quickly tossed that idea out, when the man gave him a knowing smile. His confusion about the man’s dress must have shown on his face.

He had to ask, “You always go out in subzero temperatures like that?”

The man gave a short laugh and answered, “No. Actually, had a run in with an… ex, I guess you could say. She and her friends weren't too happy to see me.”

“What did they do? And what did you do for that matter?”

“We used to work together. I'm using the term ex very generously here, but basically, I was good at my job, and she was a jealous bint. Long story short, I don't work there anymore, but she’s still as annoying as I remembered.”

“And what does that have to do with your coat?”

“She and her gang of harpies made a mess of it. Some things are impossible to dry clean, so I gave it up as a lost cause. Had to rinse the shit out of my hair, too. I wasn't going to walk down the street looking like that.”

“My god! You should file a police report.”

“Nah. I don't think my pride can take that kind of blow. It's just a coat, and I doubt I'll see the lot of them, again.”

“Hm. Look I don't support violence against women or anything, but next time, if you're ganged up on, consider throwing a shove and running for it. It'll save you a coat, at least. I'm going to assume it was expensive.”

The man smiled, “I'll keep that in mind.”

Si Hyuk disappeared under the counters for a bit as he dug around for something, and as he popped back up, he continued, “Sounds like you had a long day.”

“Yeah, as far as shitty days go, it's been a bloodbath.”

“Well, I have the perfect cure for that. Ta-dah!” Si Hyuk proudly presented a steaming cup of coffee. He tried with the foam art, but that was seriously something the younger staff excelled at. He was just the coffee guy… and the boss.

The man gave the cup a rather skeptical look and indicated the foam, “What is that supposed to be?”

“It's a bunny.”

“Did it get eaten? Half its face is kind of -”

“Just drink the coffee.”

The man gave Si Hyuk a smirk that he swore was the epitome of slappable. Kids these days. No respect for their elders at all.

He watched as the man took a sip and had to gloat a bit when he saw the familiar look of surprised pleasure. Yup, he still had it, world’s best coffee brewer for you. He was mentally brushing his nails against his shirt, when the man’s voice interrupted his inner musings.

“What did you put in this?”

“I can write it down for you if you want to order it again, although you might want to have one of the more experienced staff handle it. The secret ingredients are mandarin water and coconut milk.”

“It's not much of a secret anymore, is it? But if you don't mind, I would love to have the order. I know I'm holding you up enough as it is.”

Si Hyuk shook his head, “Don't worry about it, I have to close up and clean anyway. It's nice to have some company.”

The man nodded. Both of them ignoring the fact that the tables were cleared and kitchen was visibly spotless. They lapsed into a comfortable silence, as the man sipped at the coffee while Si Hyuk busied himself turning the machines off again, but not before brewing himself a simple cup of black coffee.

When he was done, he grabbed his cup and made his way to the other side of the counter and sat on one of the empty stools by the man, “So, you look like you have a lot on your mind. Sometimes it helps to talk, you know?”

The man gave him a side smile that once again brought attention to how unusually attractive he was, before asking, “Is this part of the usual customer service? I have to say you're really winning at the one of a kind experience thing you were talking about.”

“Well, you can think of it that way, but it's the holidays. And something just doesn't sit right by this old fart to leave a young man like you stewing in your thoughts.”

He snorted, “Okay, one, you're not that old, and two, it's just personal things, nothing you can help with.”

“Who said anything about helping? My customer service only goes so far. But like I said, sometimes it just helps to talk, and I'm an old stranger. Drop your trash here and boom, you're good to go!”

The man just stared at his coffee for a while in lieu of a response.

Si Hyuk took a sip of his own before continuing, “If you don't want to have a go, you're just going to have to listen to this old man ramble. So, for Christmas, I'm going to be popping by to see the extended family, you know, my brothers, the wife, girlfriend, kids. Great bunch. But damn, if I have to hear another round of whining about misbehaving kids, I will just grab a bat and put the fear of God in them myself! This is why I never married--if you don't want to deal with baby shit, don't have the babies, is what I say!”

“They sound great, actually. It must be nice to have a large family.”

“No siblings for you?”

The man paused a moment. His voice sounded softer when he answered, “Just a little brother.”

“Speaking as a middle child, my little brother was a shit head.”

“Mine has his moments, but usually he's great. Always tries to help with the home and stuff. It’s only the two of us, you know. I basically raised him.”

“Well, I have to say I'm a bit jealous. You two sound close. Between the three of us, my brothers and I had nothing in common. I still love them, don't get me wrong, but I have mixed feelings about this Christmas gathering, let me tell you.”

“Yeah. But honestly, I wouldn't really say we had the same interests. We worked in the same company for a while. Then, he got a boyfriend.”

Si Hyuk gave the man a stern look, “I hope you didn't let something like that get in the way of your relationship with your brother. It’s 2014!”

He was pleased to see the man break out into wild chuckles, “No, no! Nothing like that! I love the kid, the both of them. Those two dumbasses deserve each other!”

“Then what happened? Sounds like you're not seeing them this Christmas,” Si Hyuk asked and immediately regretted it when the man’s face fell.

“Let's just say the company didn't approve of his choices. They ended up leaving, my brother and his boyfriend.”

“You can't sue the company for discrimination?”

“Nope.”

“Well, good for them, your brother and his guy. Sounds like a shit company, anyway. Wait, is this the same place that your ex works at?”

“Yup.”

“Fuck them. I still don't see what's your problem, though.”

The man took a big sip before answering, “They just left. One day, I get home and all I have is this note. Something about not wanting to cause me trouble. What the fuck, you know? Like, didn't I always say that they meant the world to me? That there's not enough trouble in the world that would stop me from helping them?”

The man paused and added very quietly, almost to himself, “I just wonder if I didn't make it clear enough that they’re the most important things to me, more than any job, any half-assed relationships. I would drop all of it for them.”

Si Hyuk stared, surprised at what the man was sharing, “You probably made yourself plenty clear. That's probably why they left; younger siblings are stupid like that.”

The befuddled look the man gave him would have been hilarious under different circumstances.

“Look, I don't know how it was for you two growing up, but as the older sibling, I'm sure you had to give up a lot for your brother. Considering how close it sounded like you two are, it's probably just some unnecessary guilt manifesting itself. Like for me, I love my job, but let me tell you, I needed help getting started. But did you see me going to my big brother for help? No, because I didn't want to bother the man. It wasn't until he all but shoved an envelope with a check down my pants that I realized he had already saved a fair bit of money to help me.”

“Down your pants?”

“I love the guy, but he's an ass.”

“Wow.”

“You ever tried calling him? Your brother, I mean?”

“I missed him. It's a little late now.”

“He left the country?”

“Something like that.”

“Your brother doesn't do things half-way, does he?”

“No, that he doesn't.”

“You know what, though. He knows how to get in contact with you. You'll probably hear from him in no time.”

“Somehow I doubt that, but thanks,” he leaned back to finish off his coffee and said, “Your coffee really is the best, but I really should head out now and let you close up.”

“It's no problem. And I hope the talk helped,” Si Hyuk said, then jumped up, “Oh, one second, wait here.”

He ran off to the back room, leaving the man wide eyed to his quick disappearance. When he reemerged, he had in hand a thick winter coat.

“Here, for the road,” he said, shoving the coat at the young man.

“What? It's alright, I can't take your coat.”

“It's not mine. Lost and Found. It's their own fault for not picking up their coat. And I insist. If you want, you can just bring it back later.”

“Is this your way of trying to get a returning customer.”

“You've seen through my schemes.”

“Well, with that greeting, I can't blame you for trying to keep a customer or two.”

“Take the damn coat, brat!”

The man laughed and finally gave in. He threw on the coat and headed to the door, pausing before opening it, “Oh, and sir, thanks for everything. The coffee, the talk, the coat.”

“Yeah, yeah. You give me less lip service next time and I'll consider us even. Merry Christmas!”

“To you, too.” And then, he disappeared out into the night.

Si Hyuk sure hoped he would see the man, again. But if not, he felt at least he did something holiday appropriate.

Maybe he should call his brothers tonight.

 

+++

 

Jihyo allowed Momo a moment to fully grasp the situation and Jeongbong’s sacrifice. She saw a haze of grief pass over the woman's eyes, but as quickly as it appeared, it was gone just as fast, and Momo nodded.

“The truck should be in the back,” she said instead.

“Let's hurry, I don't think Jeongbong can keep him off us for long.”

And with that they both took off. The warehouse itself was dimly lit, and both women had to depend heavily on the moonlight filtering through the rows of windows and catwalks above them. They were both used to working in less than desirable circumstances, but given the haphazard set up of the complex, it was much slower going than either of them wanted.

Momo was the first to see the vehicle, “I found it!”

Jihyo let out a breath, “The keys should be on the dash.”

Momo made her way to the driver’s side of the truck, while Jihyo slammed down on the button to open the gate to the driveway as she ran past.

“I got the keys; get in here, Jihyo,” Momo called, while reaching over and throwing the passenger door open.

She didn't need to be told twice, as she was already running towards it. Jihyo had just climbed into the seat, when in the distance, the unmistakable sounds of gunshots rang out. Six bursts and suddenly, things were silent again.

“Start the car, Momo.”

Jihyo whirled around to stare out at the darkness behind them. She could make out the muffled sound of gunshots on the warehouse door, and she knew the lock wouldn't hold.

“I said, start the car, Momo! What are you doing?”

“I'm trying, I'm trying! It's not starting.”

Both women jumped when the bang of the door opening sounded from behind them.

Momo desperately tried turning the key over and over, but the vehicle remained silent and dead. In frustration, she tossed up her hands and slammed them on the wheel over and over, as she gritted her teeth, “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!”

Rather than give into her rising panic, Jihyo searched frantically around the truck, when her eyes fell on two tool boxes in the back.

“Momo, stop! Come on, follow me,” she said as she grabbed one of Momo’s flailing hands to get her attention. She nodded her head in the direction of the tools, and while Momo sent her a puzzled look, she still opened her door and followed Jihyo to the back of the truck.

“We don't have a choice,” Jihyo said while pulling the boxes toward them, “look in here and see if there's anything we can use.”

Despite her mounting horror, Momo was quick to comply. It seemed hopeless, but Jihyo was right, they really didn't have any other options right now. Besides, she was never one to argue with her leader before, and she sure as hell wasn’t about to start now. They didn't have much time, so rummaging through the boxes was a chaotic task, but eventually, they both came away with the best of what they could make of the contents: two solid steel hammers.

It wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible.

Jihyo lamented the fact that she couldn't turn up any knives. She had always been much more comfortable with them. It was just too bad hers were broken in the earlier scuffle. The only other knife user in their group was Tzuyu and -

No, it best not to think of her, or any of the others. Jihyo gave herself exactly one second to acknowledge her grief for their loss, but this was not the time for mourning. The right to grieve was owed to the victor, and between Momo and her, she could only hope for that chance.

As they were both were having a feel for the weight and balance of their impromptu weapons, they immediately stopped and turned toward the source when soft echoing footsteps became audible. The shared a glance, and Jihyo nodded, signaling to Momo to hide and wait for her call.

Momo disappeared, melting into the shadows with practiced ease that Jihyo had to stifle a rising sense of pride for; their team was trained for stealth. Hit quickly and leave no trace behind. While they weren't the heavy hitters, they were very good at what they did, and that was the thought that settled her nerves as she, too, took position.

They didn't have to wait for long. The lean figure made his way leisurely down the central path of the warehouse. Jihyo couldn't help but feel the burn of the insult that the man was approaching them so openly. He wasn't even trying.

This burn gave way to unadulterated rage as he approached, and she was able to make out the weapons in his hands. In his left hand was a familiar M3C combat knife; the combination triple A-Titanium and Inconel blade was easily capable of cutting through skin, bones, and armor. This was the main reason why she had bought it for Tzuyu last year. It had become a favorite of the younger girl, and the two hadn’t been parted since she was given it, until now.

Even worse, in his right hand was a .45 AMT Hardballer, Jeongbong’s gun of choice.

In that moment, Jihyo truly knew what it was to hate someone with her entire being.

She was going to make him pay for this. Tightening her grip on the hammer, she waited for her chance to spring on him. Even in the darkness, it was easy to make him out with his bleached blonde hair. It was always a dead give away, and despite how many times headquarters had requested he change it to something less conspicuous, he'd stubbornly maintained the color out of spite.

There was a time when Jihyo had found the rebellion attractive, charming in a childish way. Now in retrospect, that should have been the first sign.

She waited for him to come, when suddenly, he stopped.

“So, are we really going to do this?” He twirled knife in his hand, his voice remaining light. “I mean, have I ever said how much I appreciated Pinky? Always liked a man who knows the value of my time. Saved me the trouble of coming for him, unlike you ladies.”

All Jihyo could hear was the grinding of her own teeth.

“Look,” he continued, “we all know how this is going to end, so let's skip this whole song and dance, okay? I can make it quick, for all of us, you know? Places to go, people to see, well, that's more for me. I guess it depends on your spiritual outlook, you might have places to go and people to see, too, actually.”

He always fucking rambled. Why the fuck did he always have to fucking ramble? Even now? Holy fuck, how did she forget, he basically talked non-stop that time she convinced him to fuck.

And he had the gall to tell her it was only a one time deal when she asked him why he didn't stay the night. He actually looked her in the eye and told her it was boring. To add insult to injury, he told her he was ‘cool with her telling the office he was a bad lay,’ and proceeded to wink conspiratorially at her.

Why hadn't she killed him earlier?

She was pulled out of her musings when he continued.

“So, what I'm trying to say is that we all have things we really ought to be getting to. How about we get a move on it, ladies?” He waited a moment, looking around in an obviously exaggerated manner. “Or did you want me to come to you? Because knowing Jihyo, she does seem to have a thing for letting other people do all the work. Right, babe?”

Oh, that motherfucker really had to bring it up, didn't he? That was the last fucking straw, and she was tired of waiting, anyway.

Taking advantage that he was facing away from her, she ran at him from her hiding spot, taking aim at him with the hammer. It didn't come too much as a surprise when he simply dodged her attack, but she couldn't help the mounting frustration when each of her subsequent swipes and stabs were constantly and seemingly so easily avoided. She was putting her all into each hit, but with simple, effortless body movements, he managed to negate all her actions.

They continued this pattern for a few more moves; the whole time, he wasn't exerting anything more or less than what he had been doing. And during the whole exchange, that irritating ass grin didn't move an inch, stretched wide on his face, and for the first time, his eyes were peering, unblinkingly, at her struggle. And with every missed strike, the frustration was giving to desperation and fear.

She knew she was getting sloppy, but there was a rising sense of panic with every failed hit. She flipped the hammer around to use the sharp end and tried to hook it into his calf, but he easily sidestepped her swing. This time, however, she was ready and used her momentum to follow her movement, completing her spin but standing up to dig the claw in his face.

It was shocking when this time her move was stopped prematurely, and she jerked both because of the interruption and the surprised.

Looking at the face that was now inches from her own, she realized he had at some point tucked away the gun and his free hand was grasped tightly around her forearm, while the curve of the knife was hooked around the neck of the hammer, both solidly stopping it from doing any damage.

Before she could react, he shoved her back into the shelving behind her and quickly slammed her head several consecutive times against the metal. She collapsed to the floor, momentarily stunned, and distantly registered the clang of the hammer hitting the floor.

She struggled to see through the pain when she felt a heavy foot step on her chest, so close to her neck, effectively holding her in place while stopping just short of suffocating her. She blindly clawed at the man’s foot and leg.

“Look, sweetheart,” she heard him say, “I’d love to say I hate to see things end this way, but that would be a lie.”

The clicking of the safety on the gun being pulled back was so loud despite the pounding in her ear. She struggled harder.

Her vision had just barely cleared. Above her, right over her face was the barrel of a gun, and behind it was him, smiling gently. She wished he would just gloat, just give her the villain they all deserved. But he was just smiling, an ironic and somewhat pitying smile, like it was she who was in the wrong. Coming from the man who was still drenched in the blood of her friends, her family in all but blood, she could just couldn’t accept it.

It was him, not them, not her, who was wrong.

“Do you even remember them?” she had to ask.

“Who?”

“Everyone. You’re killing every last goddamn person who mattered, and for what,” she screamed. “Your own fucking pride, that’s what. Everyone to make up for your one fuck-up. Well, you know what? Nayeon, Mina, Tzuyu, every last one of them was worth ten of him! And they never betrayed us. Do you even remember them?”

Her pants echoed through the warehouse when she was done. She didn’t even know if he was going to respond. He just kept staring at her, the hand on the gun steady. The smile was  _ still _ there when his eyebrows furrowed in slight befuddlement.

“Why should I?” He shrugged.

Jihyo had nothing. There was no point. The worst was realizing there was nothing she could do or say in this situation. Tears she had been holding finally spilled over, and she looked away. She didn't need his face to be the last thing she saw.

But as she peered into the darkness, she caught the vague hint of movement in the shadows.

Oh, thank god.

“Well, if you've got nothing else to say,” he continued, “bye, Jihyo.”

She turned back to him and smiled, “Bye, Jinnie.”

She didn't blink when the shot went wild as Momo managed to hook the claw of hammer around his wrist and tug his hand out of the line of aim. The younger woman ducked under his arm and attempted a few hits, but he evaded it all.

However, he was forced to back away and Momo paused long enough between them to kick the dropped hammer over to Jihyo before zigzagging away, just as Jin began shooting at her.

Jihyo grabbed the handle and dove behind a shelving unit, scrambling away as fast as she could despite the pounding in her head and her still blurry vision when he turned the gun back on her.

He stopped shooting rather quickly, and she assumed it was either because he was out or, more likely, he was trying to save the rounds. She was just extremely grateful that the .45 AMT only had a 7-round magazine, but it didn't help that she didn't know how much he had started out with.

She found a dark nook to gather herself, when a thin hand reached out from the darkness beside her to cover her mouth. Jihyo started, but thankfully, Momo’s hand was recognizable even to her frayed mind. They didn't have time to do much else besides sharing a gaze, when the echoes of his footsteps approached.

Jihyo and Momo remained still, barely daring to breathe when Jin finally came close enough for them to strike. They shared one more look and nodded their mutual understanding. It was their last shot.

When he was in position, Jihyo and Momo moved as one. It was strange to attack like this, both women feeling the absence of the other seven weighing heavily on their conscious.

They both turned the hammer to the claw end for the strike. Momo moved quickly and attacked Jin’s legs, while Jihyo took the top. Swipe, punch, kick, block, the three engaged in a strange dance with stakes too high. Jin managed to dodge almost all of the women’s attacks, with Momo coming closest to landing a hit when the tip of her claw caught his coat sleeve and tore into it.

This caught him by surprise, and Jihyo took the opportunity to land a solid punch to his rib. Unfortunately, rather than slowing down, Jin seemed to thrive off the hits, and the fight picked up pace.

He twisted away from her, grabbing hold of Momo’s arm and tugging her forward as he did so; Jihyo made to slash at his face, but with Momo’s arm caught and his momentum tipping her forward, it was only Jihyo’s quick reflexes that stopped her, barely centimeters, from burying the hammer into her own friend’s face.

Their shock was their undoing. With their close proximity, he used it to his own advantage, taking Momo’s arm, still holding the hammer, to knock away Jihyo’s own, and sent her crashing down with a kick to the side of her head.

Her world broke into white lights and ringing, over which she could just make out the sound of Momo’s continued struggle against him. She tried to stand - she had to help, but her equilibrium was shot, and her vision was wavering between doubles and triples. She shook her head and blinked several times when she fell for the second time.

She was on her hands and knees when her vision cleared enough for her to see what was happening.

Jihyo looked up just in time to see Momo get caught in a mockery of a back hug, and he, with one hand holding Momo’s own on the handle of the hammer, forced her to bury the claw into her own throat.

The scream ripped itself from Jihyo’s throat much like the way Jin ripped the hammer from Momo’s.

He dropped the hammer and Momo’s body to step slowly toward her.

It was a hopeless sort of madness that drove her to attack. It was pointless, but she had to hit him, she had to kill him, for them. Even if she knew it was pointless and there was no chance of her succeeding, she had to go down fighting, for everyone.

She distantly noted that he had taken the knife from wherever he'd had it and was now on the offensive. Ignoring the protests of her own body, and the blood dripping steadily from her nose ever since she took the kick to the head. She grabbed Momo’s hammer as well, all the while ignoring the grisly scene of her former ally.

With a hammer in each hand, Jihyo glared at him, spitting, “You're going to pay for this.”

“Somehow, I highly doubt that.”

She was exhausted and hurting, and each of her attacks were getting sloppier the longer they went. With a hammer in each hand she kept trying to hit her target, but to no avail. It wasn't too long before Jin caught her left arm long enough to dig the knife into the flesh just above her elbow and sliced, severing the tendon. She ignored the clang of the hammer falling from her now useless hand, instead, spinning to swipe at him with her right. He ducked under her swing and expertly swung the knife twice, first cutting through the back of her right knee and second through the Achilles' tendon.

Her body crumpled, but Jihyo struggled to remain upright. Instead, she collapsed to one knee and turned to Jin. It was demeaning to look into his eyes and realize she didn't even register as anything of value.

Fuck him.

She glared at him as he walked toward her. Her temper was still boiling, so she made one last swipe at him. He quickly ducked away, slashing her wrist as he went. The hammer fell, and he was finally standing in front of her kneeling form. With a light kick to her shoulder, he sent her crumpling back. She could do nothing from where she lay. Every fiber of her being burned with hatred when he stood over her and tilted his head to examine his work.

Jihyo couldn't even register her pain for the rage consuming her.

“Well, good on you,” she spat, “but before you put that bullet in my head, let me ask you one thing.”

“Yes, the sex really was that bad. I was going to spare you that tidbit, but since you're so adamant, the answer is no. It really wouldn't have worked out between us. You know the spiel, it's not you, it’s me, blah blah blah.”

“Really funny, Jin. But no, I just wanted to know, how does it feel to know that he didn't trust you? I said he betrayed us, but I've got to know, how does it feel to realize, after all you've done for him, all the time you've dedicated to him, he went and chose an outsider over you?”

Jihyo was pleased to see him freeze. She continued, “Poor Jinnie. He owes you his life and what do you get in return? And good job on you for training him so well. I heard it took five teams to get them. You know you could have helped them? Oh, wait. You didn't. That stupid little boy wanted to fly on his own, didn't he? Got sick of you, probably. I really applaud him for putting up with you as long as he did. But just so you know, you may kill every last one of us, but who’s the loser here? We always had each other’s backs, but look at you. Baby boy didn't even bother to tell you he was leaving, huh? Didn't even trust you enough for that small courtesy. So I'm curious, what does being discarded feel like?”

Even in the darkness of the warehouse, she could makes out the trembling of the man. She may have not been able to get him physically, but she could take some pleasure from dealing this kind of damage. However, her satisfaction gave way to confusion when her ears picked up his familiar squeaking laughter.

“Oh, my god, Jihyo, really?”

“Huh?”

“What was that? Were you trying to play mind games or something, or were you just trying to hit some cliched speech quota? Like, are you being serious right now?”

“What are you talking about, you fuck?”

“Okay, one, you don’t get to talk about him. Unlike you, I know when I fucked up, okay? Yes, I could have helped. But I could have done more to convince him he could have depended on me, so holy shit do I realize I'm a loser. I worked with you lot, didn't I? Look, I'm not killing everyone to make up for him, it's not gonna fix shit. But it does fucking make me happy. Simple.”

He smiled at her once the laughing fit ended.

“And just so you know, just for that though, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.”

He knelt down beside her and leaned in close to whisper, “I was quick with everyone else. But just for old times sake, I'm going to take my time with you.”

He tossed the gun aside and twirled the knife, smiling brightly.

“Shall we begin?”

 

+++

 

Kim Namjoon stared at the pages upon pages of statistical diagrams, shipment logs, charts, and analytics which all essentially boiled down to the same thing: their startup was doing well enough to not crash and burn like they all feared, but not well enough to be considered stable by any stretch of the imagination. He sighed. If he were the type, he would have blamed karma. But he wasn't the superstitious sort, and that kind of mumbo-jumbo always rang too much like excuses.

Besides, it wasn't as if he had been responsible for the Ayao Industries’ failure.

Namjoon had started CYPH Inc. at the end of 2014 in the aftermath of the series of disasters that almost sent Ayao to its knees. They were fortunate to have branched out to their overseas offices, since numerous accidents and oddly unlucky investment fall throughs almost bankrupted them in their home country. They had all but disappeared with the exceptions of a few minor holdings and offices, but the vacuum that was left became fertile grounds for many businesses and other start-ups to scramble and fill.

Namjoon was nothing if not an opportunist. He had actually been in a lower, generally insignificant position at Ayao in the finance department where he dealt mostly in book-keeping. He had enough smarts to realize they were dealing in some shady practices, and possibly some questionable business ventures. At the same time, he trusted his instincts enough not to go digging.

It came as no surprise to him that the company went the way it did. He just hoped he never has the misfortune of crossing paths with whoever Ayao Industries managed to piss off. He could appreciate the efficiency and thoroughness, but with the reported body counts, and who knew how many others went under the radar, he was just thankful he was so successful in remaining unremarkable.

Namjoon had been plotting, though. He had known there was the possibility of this exact thing happening, so he had taken certain steps to ensure he could make the most of it.

One good thing that had come from the number of deaths, was that it eased whatever moral qualms he might have had about implicating a co-worker in a security breach so that he could make off with several moderate to high profile accounts. They definitely eased the transition into starting his own company, and while some had been wary of trusting someone so seemingly untested, the combination of having a clear record and just enough connections to Ayao meant that a decent amount of clients had been willing to take the risk, giving him a head start on other businesses.

As for the unlucky co-worker, he was never very bright to begin with, and if Namjoon hadn't, someone else would have taken advantage of him and probably for something much worse. The man may have lost his job, but he kept his life, which was more than what a significant portion of Ayao’s employees could say.

Namjoon had jumped ship as soon as shit started hitting the fan. The day after the death of one Lee Byunghun, he put in his two weeks notice and just prayed he would last the rest of his time there when the fire broke out a few days later.

With the young heir’s death, the media coverage was largely sympathetic to the Lee family, as was expected, but Namjoon thought the whole thing felt too convenient, too personal to be anything but intentional. This was pretty much confirmed when the fire happened, followed by publicity response efforts which effectively rewrote the events. He was well aware there were no remodeling plans, much less any reason why those men were in the building to begin with. Not like he was going to tell anyone this.

So, here he was, almost three years down the line, still struggling to make a name for himself. He didn't regret his decision, and he was well aware he was better off than most, but god, he just wished some things came to him a bit easier.

Which was why he was still working at this hour. The shipment plans in front of him were blurring together to the point of being almost cryptic when he heard his phone vibrate.

It was Taehyung.

Thank god.

He needed a distraction.

“Hello. This is Kim.”

“Yo, Namjoon, I know you have me saved on your phone, so drop the business bullshit. I got to ask you something.”

“I'm in the office.”

“Way too late in my opinion. No one’s there, don't even try lying to me. I always know when you're lying.”

“What do you want?” Namjoon sighed and gave up. It was hopeless trying to argue with Taehyung. For whatever reason, from the moment the two met in college, Tae had attached himself to Namjoon like a barnacle and hadn't let go since. Namjoon had learned through exposure that sometimes it was best just to ride out the crazy that was Tae’s schemes. Half the time they turned out pretty genius, but considering the other half were spectacular disasters, it was best to approach it all with caution.

Still, he wouldn't have started his business with him if the guy was completely mad.

“I just had a stroke of genius.” Taehyung’s whisper was so loud that it grated painfully against Namjoon’s ear from the speaker.

“Yeah, well now I'm worried.”

“No, it's true. It's real genius this time. But you have to answer me one thing first.”

Namjoon sighed and pinched his forehead in preparation, “Alright. What is it?”

“Are you asexual?”

“What the actual fuck, Tae?”

“I mean, it's cool. Some people just aren't into some things, and you're my buddy, so I won't judge, dude. Bros before… a nonexistent libido?”

“Tae. I've had sex before.”

“Well, it never seemed like you were all that into it.”

“Of course I - wait, how the actual fuck do you know that? I swear to god, if you were spying -”

“No! It's not that, man. You just seem disinterested in people. Even friends with benefits would be better than what you do.”

“Is there a point to this?”

“Well, as your friend, I have to say I am worried about you and your choices.”

“Have you been talking to my mom?”

“Maybe. But that's not the point. The point is you suck at relationships, and it's time for an intervention.”

“If this is the point where you volunteer as tribute, the answer is no.”

“Okay, for one thing, my dick is too precious to be allowed anywhere near you, and two, I have a genius, genius plan. And you will go along with it.”

“And why would I do that?”

“I would mope if you don't.”

“Yeah, you're going to have to try harder than that.”

“And I am the one who has been keeping shipment on track. If you think I won't start some shit just to fix your bachelor ways, you have another thing coming. Don't try me, Namjoon.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Dead serious.”

“You're not playing with the company!”

“I wouldn't have to if you weren't wasting your life!”

“What the fuck, Tae…”

“I'm going to assume that's a ‘yes, Tae, thank you for helping me fix my life,’ so that means, put your jacket on. I'm picking you up in five.”

“What?”

“I'm driving over. You're coming with me. End of story.”

“Where the hell are we going exactly.”

“Coffee shop. It's cute, it's small, it's delicious, you'll love it.”

“I thought you weren't volunteering.”

“I'm not, you dick.”

“Fine. See you in five.”

“Four.” Taehyung clicked the phone off with emphasis somehow.

Namjoon was left speechless, staring at the paperwork that still needed to be completed. He heaved another sigh and got up, grabbing his jacket as he left.

 

+++

 

“Well, this is a god damned mess.” Cha Hakyeon stared at the gory remains of his coworker and the other member of her team. Some days he absolutely loved his work. Today was not one of those days. An entire nine member team and their mentors were eliminated in one night, and they had no way of getting to the perpetrator.

Hakyeon was not looking forward to making the call to Headquarters.

“Should we call the police?” The trembling voice of the morning crew’s manager echoed in the grisly chasm of the warehouse.

“You haven't already?” Hakyeon turned to look at the five white faced men behind him.

“We thought it was better to call the office. These were our people, right? Gunho here recognized the man outside.”

“That was a good call on your part. Was there anyone else here, this morning?”

“Oh, no. It's a slow season, so we keep the staff minimal.”

“I see. Well, thank you, gentlemen. On behalf of Ayao Industries, I’d like to commend you for your discretion.” Hakyeon barely completed the sentence when he quickly shot four of the five men with the gun he always kept hidden but on hand.

He didn't like to use all his bullets unnecessarily, so for the last man, the frozen manager, he quickly finished him off with his team’s signature weapon, a redesigned Japanese war fan.

As the body crumpled, only seconds after the man's severed head touched the ground, Hakyeon spun the fan in a well practiced move to rid it of blood and snapped it closed. Flicking absentmindedly at some blood which unfortunately splattered on his brand new shirt, Hakyeon spared himself a moment to mentally organized what he was going to say and dialed.

The ringtone barely had time to finish, when a familiar husky voice asked, “How bad?”

“Pretty bad. The entire team is gone, all nine and their mentors.”

“Fuck.”

“On the bright side, no need to get the police involved this round. I already took care of the witnesses. There were only five workers, so we could always make up an accident, again. If they have family, we’ll just have to make sure they are well compensated. It shouldn't be too much of a hassle.”

“Let's avoid starting another fire this time. The publicity was a mess.”

“Oh, I know, sir. I  _ am _ the spokesperson. However, it was unavoidable with the mess that he left. There was too much evidence to even try to clean, so a fire was our best option.”

“I agree, but this time, do try to keep things a little less dramatic.”

“Of course, sir. I also need to put in a request for our specialists for the clean-up at the warehouse. The others won't be too difficult to clean, but we’re going to need to be thorough here.”

“Do I want to know?”

“It's a mess. The upside to this was that Jihyo lived long enough to confirm his identity.”

“She survived the attack?”

“I would say it was intentional on his part. Formal cause of death would probably be exsanguination, but given the extent of her injuries, things probably got personal.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Among other things, her tongue had been removed and placed in her line of sight. He had turned her on her side to prevent her from choking on her own blood.”

“I see.”

“One last thing, sir. He had tampered with the facility's vehicle. Given that this is not his branch, I'm anxious to know how he found out about our protocols.”

“It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? Anything else you would like to add? I'm going to need to get properly drunk before I report this shit myself. Corporate has been on my ass since the start of this whole mess.”

“I'm sorry to hear that, sir.”

“You can keep your sorry. I need this guy taken out ASAP. How does no one have any leads?”

“We’ve put out the order, but he wasn't a part of any teams, only the kid, and we know how that turned out.”

“Don't ever mention that bastard to me again.”

“Sorry, sir. That was foolish of me.”

There was a heavy sigh from the other side of the line, then, “You let your team know? You were on the hit that night.”

“I will inform them after this call, sir.”

“Good, good. You lot have done well by me. Take care. I don't want to be burying anymore of my people.”

“We’ll be prepared.”

“You say that. Don't let hubris be your undoing.”

“I'll keep that in mind. If that is all, sir, I have a few more calls to make.”

“I'm sure you do.”

“Goodbye, sir.”

“Hm.”

 

+++

 

_ Journal Entry 5 _

_ May 2, 2013 _

 

_ It’s happening tonight. We’re going to make this happen.  _

_ By we, I mean I and the dubious involvement of one obnoxiously pushy She-Hulk, Seulji. Mind your own love life, woman! Or lack there of. _

_ So, I'm inviting him over for dinner. We moved the goddamn TV into the bedroom. I've made a bit of the mess in the living room and kitchen, so I have an excuse to drag him to the bedroom. Seulji is staying over at a friend’s, thank you. _

_ Condoms, check. _

_ Lube, check. _

_ Lucky boxers, check. _

_ It's going down. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should preface this by saying that with Kpop, BTS might be my stan group, but I love quite a few of them. So, there will be several featured in this fic. However, due to the context of the story, its gonna get gory. Just for this universe, when people bite it, they aren't going to have a nice exit for the most part. 
> 
> But with that in mind, I promise next chapter will be cute, and I will try to live up to the expectations of a 'Coffee Shop AU'.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!

The first time Kim Taehyung had properly set eyes on the man’s face, he knew he would be perfect. Considering the rumors flying around the coffee shop, he had been afraid that reality would be more disappointing, but instead, it was rather the opposite. The tales paled in comparison to the living, breathing specimen. Taehyung wasn’t one to throw around the word ‘beautiful’ unnecessarily, but if ever there was a case for the application of the word, it was this man. 

And there was no logical reason for it. Based off description alone, there should be nothing particularly remarkable about the man. His hair, looking at the color, could technically be described as a mousy brown, but somehow on this guy, it worked. His clothes were unremarkable as well, just a t-shirt and jeans combination with a simple gray sweater. In fact, the thing that stuck out most, and where the eyes ended up, was the garish colors of the Mario print that stuck out like a sore thumb against the white of his shirt. It would have been easy to understand how many would overlook the man’s face.

But not Taehyung. No. He was here with a purpose, and a noble purpose at that. Like the saying goes, there was no greater love than a man willing to lay down his life for a friend. This wasn't exactly that, but getting his friend laid should be way up there.

Kim Taehyung was a good friend.

 

+++

 

The whole thing started three weeks ago.

Namjoon had practically given himself an aneurysm trying to scream the delayed shipment into submission. By which Taehyung meant that everyone in the office was walking on eggshells to avoid setting off another Namjoon tirade. So, as a last resort to maintain the final shreds of his sanity, he waited for the opportune time and got out of there as fast as possible.

If he happened to be pretending that he was a secret agent on an important espionage mission, it was no one’s business but his own.

There was only one corridor left before Taehyung was out the door, so he dove to the wall and flattened himself against it. He was peeking around what he thought was an empty corner when a quiet voice behind him all but sent him up the wall in fright.

“Boss, are you humming the 007 theme song?”

Taehyung whirled around and stared at one of their new clerks, heart hammering in his chest. He breathed a long huff in relief when he computed the shocked look on the other man’s face, and whispered, “are you sneaking out, too?”

“What? No, boss, I would never -”

“Because I would totally understand, you know. Namjoon is a monster when he’s in a crappy mood. Also, we carpooled together today, so I don't have ride.”

“I'm not sneaking out, sir.”

“You should, you know. It's almost lunch. We should eat. I'll cover you, it'll be on me.”

“Uh, we just started work an hour ago.”

“Brunch, then.”

“And I don't have a car.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Want to sneak out, anyway?”

“I would much rather stay here, if it's alright with you, sir.”

“Oh.”

An awkward silence fell over the pair. Taehyung was still pressed against the wall when he finally continued, “I'm just going to go, now.”

“Okay, sir.”

“Also, you didn't see me.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Oh! And do you know any good places to eat around here? I guess I can't really go too far.”

“I just moved here, sir.”

Oh… Pity.”

“Sorry.”

“Okay. Bye, then, I guess.”

“Have a good…brunch?”

Taehyung gave a tiny wave and was out the door before the clerk could properly get rid of the confusion on his face. It was actually a pretty common occurrence in the office, now that Taehyung thought about it.

He made his way out to the street level rather quickly. Once outside, Taehyung indulged in a moment of relaxation. The entire morning, the whole hour of it, had been one thing after another and when Namjoon got into one of his moods, it was best to vacate the vicinity.

Although they have been in this office a good few years, Taehyung had ended up working more in the behind the scenes aspect than Namjoon, initially anyway. He hadn't been actually needed on site until the last year or so, and even then, he had usually gone straight to and from the office by car and hadn't gotten a proper look around the area. Namjoon always ate out, but was also surprisingly picky with what he was willing to eat, so they had a set list of acceptable locations for him to go when they ate lunch together, which wasn't all that often.

Namjoon was a bonafide workaholic, and it was more often the case that Taehyung would bring back something to make sure Namjoon didn't shrivel into an overstressed zombie at his desk.

He figured he'd bring him something back as a peace offering for bailing.

In any case, this was a good opportunity to scope the area for food. While there wasn't much in the immediate surroundings, he was only a short walk from the station, and he knew that a lot of the guys at the office said there was a decent area for food just one stop down the line.

So, one short train ride later, Taehyung was happily enjoying a late morning stroll. There weren't very many people out and about at this time, but it was just late enough that most of the restaurants and smaller eateries were open for business.

He still wasn't sure what he wanted, though. The clerk had been right about it being too early to be out. Taehyung wasn't anywhere near hungry enough to try to sit in.

He was leaning against a wall, contemplating the merits of heading back empty-handed and nagging Namjoon into actually leaving for lunch today, when the loud chime of bells from across the street pulled him from his thoughts.

Two things registered prominently in his mind when he finally set eyes on the source of the sound: first was that there was a quaint looking coffee shop nestled in a nook across the street that was rather easy to miss, second, and more importantly, holy mackerel, that was a lot of pink. The man who had just stepped out the shop was sporting an oversized sweater that was as insanely large as it was pink, given that Taehyung would guess the man to be approximately Namjoon’s height, maybe slightly shorter.

Despite his curiosity, he couldn't make out the man’s face since his hood was up and he was sporting some giant sunglasses as well. Strangely, as if sensing Taehyung’s stare, the man turned toward him as the door closed.

Rather than shying away from being caught staring, Taehyung smiled and waved. He tugged a bit at his own jacket then pointed at the man to signal the sweatshirt, then gave the man a huge thumbs up.

He was extra delighted when, instead of giving him a weird look or turning away like most people at work, the man crumpled slightly as he gave a full body laugh. Too bad he was too far away for Taehyung to hear what his laugh sounded like, but still, he was just happy someone got his point.

The man waved his thanks, and was about to head off when Taehyung waved frantically for his attention again. He could see the pink hood tilt in confusion, but he mimed the coffee cup and tried to convey the question of whether or not it was good to the man via pantomime.

The second surprise of the encounter was the fact the guy actually understood; not only that, he made a flourished bow to welcome Taehyung toward the coffee shop door.

Taehyung didn't need anymore encouragement and all but hopped his way over, calling out as he approached, “I love you and your sweater! You both just saved me from a coffee-less existence, and this whole morning would have been shit!”

Up close, the man’s laugh was pretty unique, oddly squeaky, but it put an even bigger smile on Taehyung’s face to hear it.

“No biggie. You looked desperate.”

“You have no idea. I'm not familiar with this area but I have needs, dude. Needs, I say,” Taehyung said in a rush, a little breathless from the jog over.

“You should probably look things up before you head out to a new place, just saying.”

“It’s called spontaneity! And I may have snuck out of my office without letting anyone know.”

“In that case, knock knock.”

“What?”

“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?” Taehyung was confused by someone else. This was a new life experience.

“Yo-yos.”

“Yo-yos who?”

“Yo-yos to call me on my cellphone,” the man shamelessly sang to the Drake tune.

He was speechless, Taehyung was speechless.

However, taking advantage of his silence, the man continued talking, “Which is something I assume you have, so you should still look up the area beforehand. Just be glad I was here to save you from a horrible mistake. There's a new coffee place down the road. Don't go there. This place is great, and you're welcome. Now in, in you go.”

He proceeded to shoo Taehyung in the door and disappeared off to who knows where before Taehyung had a chance to recover his voice.

Taehyung found himself inside the shop, wondering, ‘what the actual fuck just happened?’

It must have shown on his face because the barista behind the counter shot him a very understanding smile.

“Did you get stunned by the beauty or the lame?”

“What?” Taehyung felt as if he’d lost all control of his life.

“You got the shook-look. That guy that you were talking to, are you stunned by hotness or did he tell you a joke. For your sake, I really hope it was the hotness.”

“I actually couldn't see his face, now that I think about it.”

Taehyung was surprised when the barista put down the cup he was wiping and stepped out next to him to give him a sympathetic pat on the back.  

“It was a joke then, eh? How bad was it, on a scale from one to ten?”

He didn't know what the hell was happening, but he might as well milk the sympathy, maybe he could get a discount.

Mustering up his best puppy dog eyes, he turned to the guy and all but whimpered, “I'm going to have to carry that shit forever, now, dude. It's burned into my brain. I'm going to carry that pun to my grave and beyond. That's how bad it was.”

He knew he had the guy. Even Namjoon was susceptible to his gaze of epic pathetic-ness. He took a second to read the barista’s name tag, and then chanced a look at the guy’s face to see if this Hoseok was caving.

And yep. If he played his cards right, cheap coffee for the TaeTae win!

“I'm so sorry. Like on behalf of all of us at Bangtan, I am so sorry. It's ‘cause the boss spoils him. And everyone humors him. It wasn't always so bad, but I swear, he went and got a book of bad puns or something because we’re almost at the point of staging an intervention.”

“So, he's a regular, I'm guessing?”

“Yeah, pretty regular. You can do what most everyone else does and avoid eye contact. Although, honestly, some of that might just be because of the hotness, but the older folks love him. He's generally harmless, if you ignore the toxic levels of horrible jokes. Oh! And is there anything I can get started for you? I forgot to ask!”

“Oh, um, just an ice coffee, I guess.” Taehyung was still recovering from the encounter.

“Any specific brews? You can look at the menu over there if you’d like.”

“You can pick for me, I'm not really picky.”

“Did you want it sweet?”

“Yep.”

“Milk?”

“Sure.”

“Alrighty, then. I'll get started on that. Did you want that here or take-out?”

Taehyung almost automatically said take-out, but a sudden seed of an idea took hold.

He smiled a big boxy grin and said, “For here, please.”

While Hoseok went about making his coffee, Taehyung gleefully sidled over to the row of high stools right by the counter. The barista was kind enough to give him a freebie cookie for his troubles. Score!

“So,” he started, figuring it wouldn't be so bad to have a small chat considering he was the only customer at the moment, “I get the joke thing, but what did you mean by ‘hotness’?”

“You didn't see his face at all?”

“Well, he had sunglasses and his hoodie was up and I was kind of distracted by the pink and the coffee…”

“Oh, yeah, the pink. We’re immune to that here, now that I think about it.”

“Is he always that pink?”

Hoseok opened his mouth to answer, then seemed to freeze. He tilted his head looking confused for a moment, before continuing, “You know what? No, not really. But I think once you see him with the pink, it just kind of clings onto his image, you know. Like you see TPH, and boom you think ‘pink.’”

“TPH?”

“Tall, pink, and handsome. It's his nickname, since nobody knows what his name is. Although, if you ask me, I swear boss probably knows, but he's enjoying this drama too much.”

“So I'm going to go out on a limb and say he’s hot?”

“Yup. Honestly, I would go with pretty, even. Just, generally attractive. Like if you ask go into a visual dictionary and look up ‘universally good looking,’ there's going to be a picture of TPH.”

“Wow.”

“Yup.”

“I sort of don't believe you.”

“Don't blame ya. It's just something that's got to be seen to be believed.”

“So, what's your rating?”

“Of TPH?” Hoseok came up to give him his coffee. “I guess I would say a solid 8.5. Although, I'm probably not the right person to ask.”

“Why’s that?”

Before Hoseok could answer, the chime of the door alerted them to a new arrival. But as Hoseok turned to greet them, Taehyung bore witness to what could only be described as the heavens opening up to the radiant glow of the sun.

Even from their short conversation, Taehyung could say that Hoseok had a warm personality and a very inviting face and smile. And while his initial greeting was the same warm one he’d given Taehyung when he first entered, he could tell the exact moment when Hoseok recognized who it was he was smiling at because the beaming level increased by 1000, and Taehyung would swear before court and jury that there were actual stars in Hoseok’s eyes.

Taehyung turned to look at the newcomer; he just had to see.

And it would not be an exaggeration to say he was a tad underwhelmed. A pale, slightly disheveled figure lumbered in, seemingly just recently woken from a deep sleep. While he wasn't unkempt, since his black parental advisory t-shirt wasn't overly wrinkled, but paired with his well-worn jeans and scruffy black hair, the man wasn't exactly the poster child for professionalism.

Taehyung sipped at his coffee and found himself looking back and forth between the new guy and Hoseok, who was still making embarrassingly blatant googly eyes at the guy. He gripped the glass tightly to physically hold back his inner meddling fiend.

“H-hi, Yoongi!” Hoseok was so obviously head over heels, it would be sad if it wasn't so cute.

The newcomer, apparently Yoongi, looked up momentarily, and seeing Hoseok’s beaming face, grunted something inaudible and made a beeline for the back kitchen.

Hoseok heaved a sigh and rubbed absently at the countertop, thus missing the last minute glance Yoongi threw his way before disappearing into the back.

However, Taehyung, who was watching the entire scene play out and barely holding back the glee, saw the entire thing. He was loving it. Ditching work had never been so rewarding.

He just had to say something, so when he turned to Hoseok as soon as the other man was gone and whispered, “So TPH is an 8.5, but I’m going to bet that guy is a full 10 out of 10, right?”

Hoseok flailed beautifully while shushing him. He also kept glancing to the back of the shop like his life depended on it.

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” he whispered back.

“Sure, man. But you might want to wipe the drool next time if you want to keep your blazing hard-on for the guy a secret.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“So bad, dude. So bad.”

“If I give you a knife now, could you do a guy a solid and just stab me?”

“No way. This is too good. You tried anything, yet? Besides ogling, I mean.”

“Hell, no! He barely knows I'm alive. He barely even knows my name!”

“Uh, somehow I highly doubt that.”

“What are you saying?”

Taehyung smirked, this was too perfect. Namjoon better not say he never does anything for him, because he was about to go above and beyond.

He leaned forward and said, “How about this? You help me out with something, and I help you land that ass.”

“Uh, don't take this the wrong way, but you are not exactly selling me on this. I don't even know you.”

“The name’s Taehyung, Kim Taehyung. And come on, what’s the worst that can happen? You said yourself, he doesn't even know your name.”

“I said he ‘barely’ knows my name. I'm sure he has it down, now.”

“Good for you.”

Hoseok sighed, “But what do you want exactly.”

“Just try and answer a few questions for me.”

“Okay? I'm going to regret this, but fine.”

“Great! I'm telling you, you're making a good decision.”

“Whatever. You sure you can help me with Yoongi?”

“Yup! You're actually not that bad off, you know.”

“If you say so. Well, what did you want to know?”

Taehyung grinned.

“First thing’s first, is TPH single?”

 

+++

 

_ Journal Entry 6 _

_ May 3, 2013 _

 

_ I'm stupid. I'm so, so, so stupid.  _

_ I don't know what I'm doing. I knew things were going too well. Nothing goes well for me for this long without shit going down. Fuck. _

_ I'm so stupid. _

_ All that planning for nothing. Why am I so fucking dumb. _

_ I turned down sex with a gorgeous man, WHO I AM DATING! Is this a growing experience or have I lost my fucking mind. _

_ It didn't feel right, though. Maybe I'm reading this entire thing wrong. Maybe he’s just not that into me. I mean, it's not like a month and a week is that long or anything (not that I'm counting), but we still haven't gone to his place, and I mean, how much do I really know him. Right? I don't know what he's looking for with this. _

_ If it's sex, I would understand, but the situation is subzero in the action department. There's only so much I can masturbate before I will have to look back on my life and my decisions. _

_ It was going so well last night, too. I cooked! _

_ Well, no. I ordered take-out, heated them in some pans, and got rid of the evidence before he arrived. It's not my fault my cooking is too risky, and I had too much riding on the success of the evening to have food poisoning throw a wrench in my shit. _

_ Then again, I ruined it quite fine on my own, so maybe food poisoning would have been better. _

_ Anyway, Kookie got here. He's so goddamn beautiful, have I mentioned how hot he is? Because he's so fine. So fine. _

_ The messy apartment ruse worked. Time for some dinner and a movie, and I was so ready to eat some meat last night. We ate the shitty take-out. I didn't care. That's what I could afford, and besides, it wasn't the main dish I intended for that evening. _

_ I forgot what we were watching, even. But here we were, cuddling on my bed, the light was dimmed for the movie. Perfect, right? I figured, now or never. So I leaned over for a kiss. Nothing new. Everything was going well. I moved down to side of his neck, by this point the movie was completely forgotten and I was basically straddling him. I reached down and untucked his shirt (can I just point out how adorable it was he's wearing a button down tucked in) and ran my hand up his chiseled stomach. _

_ God bless heavy camera equipments. Or his gym membership. Whatever. God bless chocolate abs is all I have to say. _

_ So far, so good. _

_ So I figured, lucky boxers got your back, Jimin, you do your thing. _

_ I went to unbutton his pants, not before slipping my hand in the back and grabbing a bit of that class A ass, and this is where everything goes to shit. _

_ I don't know how, I don't know why, but everything just stopped being so nice. I don't know. Kookie didn't really stop me. He still kissed me when I returned to his lips. But I just felt something was off. _

_ It felt like, I don't know, the magic was gone and reality sucked. Like it became really clear that we were in my shitty apartment bedroom with some shitty movie droning in the background and dirty plates on the floor. _

_ And the shittiest thing was that he didn't tell me no. _

_ It was weird. It was bad. It wasn't supposed to feel bad. _

_ I didn't know what to do so I just got off and scooted away. Like this was not cool. It wasn't right. _

_ We didn't really say anything after. _

_ I don't know how long we sat there, but he just got up, said that he was sorry, and left. _

_ He took the plates to the sink, though. _

_ I didn't walk him out. _

_ I'm so stupid _

_ Stupid. Stupid. Stup-- _

 

_ \--- Whoops what was I writing?  _

 

_ So my previous bout of self pity was interrupted by the local dictator. Seulji was apparently done with my moping. _

_ So one bottle of wine later, I think I might be an idiot. _

_ Seulji is a genius. _

_ I might be the world’s biggest asshole. Shit fuck fuck shit fuck. _

_ Only maybe, though. Because no way right? _

_ No way a guy that fine is a virgin, right? _

_ Holy shit. _

_ I am such an asshole! _

 

+++

 

“May I ask just what the hell you think you're doing?”

Taehyung froze in his seat when a voice boomed over his head. He debated whether or not to turn around, not sure if he should feel guilty. He was at his usual spot in the cafe where he had been camped every lunch break over the last few days, waiting for a chance to see TPH with his own eyes.

He hadn't had much luck the last few days and was seriously thinking about either giving up on the whole idea, or waiting until he had a better handle on the situation before proceeding. Of course, it was just his luck that today, of all days, TPH came strutting into the cafe, and with his first good look at the man’s face, he made his decision.

This was an opportunity too perfect to pass up.

So maybe huddling behind the menu while sneaking peeks at the guy wasn’t the best nor most inconspicuous approach, but come on, it wasn’t like he did this all the time. Maybe if he just stared really hard at the menu, the owner of the voice would just go away.

Yeah, no.

When a firm hand clapped down on his shoulder, he knew the jig was up.

“I’ve been saying this for years, and no one seems to remember, but here at Bangtan, we pride ourselves on service and experience. And young man, let me tell you, nothing brings down the ratings faster than a stalker.”

Taehyung slapped the menu down and whirled to face the judging eyes of a rather rotund gentleman. Crap. This had got to be the owner. Hoseok warned him about the guy.

“Would you believe me if I swore I'm not a creeper?”

Taehyung puppy dog eyes engaged.

“You're going to have to try a little harder than that, son.” The man’s face remained impassive.

Taehyung found himself floundering for a moment at this stranger who had withstood the full exposure to his eyes without budging. Oh, hell, whatever. He had never been the type to follow a plan. Flying by the seat of his pants was his talent, so before could second guess himself, he grabbed the man’s arm and tugged him to sit down beside him.

“Alright. Look. My best friend is on a one track road for man-spinsterdom, and I just got this tingling sense that  _ that _ guy over there is the one,  _ that one _ , you know. He can change it all for my buddy.”

The man eyes furrowed as he gazed at Taehyung’s very serious face. “Son, whatever you're taking, I'm sure there's help for you… out there, somewhere else, hopefully far from here.”

“No listen, okay?  That guy is single. My friend is single. It's all good. I’m just trying to scout out the situation, you know, to be sure it all gels.”

“I feel like you don't fully comprehend the word ‘stalker.’”

“It's not stalking, not really, I don't follow him home or anything like that.”

“Well, that makes it perfectly fine, then.”

“Right?”

“No! What the hell is your problem, kid?”

“True love, man, true love is my problem.”

The man’s mouth hung open as he tried and failed to respond to that statement.

Finally, he just sort of slumped forward and let his head fall to his hands, elbows resting on the table. His entire body was the the epitome of utter defeat.

Taehyung leaned forward as the man started mumbling to himself, voice muffled by his own hands. All the young man could catch was something along the lines of, “... knew he was trouble… but no, you just just had to invite in the crazy, didn’t you, Si Hyuk? Now it’s multiplying… crazy attracts crazy… we were a well respected establishment once…”

Taehyung, who had been slowly leaning closer and closer to catch more of the muffled grumbling, was practically right next to the man’s ear when he couldn’t help but ask, “Why do you think he’s crazy?”

The poor owner nearly flew out of his chair when he felt the young man’s voice rumbling so close; he practically could still feel the guy’s phantom breath still on his ear. This was too god damn much.

“You know what? I don’t care. He’s a grown man, he can take care of himself. You want to be crazy together? Go right ahead. I wash my hands of this.” Si Hyuk made to leave this insanity, hopefully crazy wasn’t contagious.

Unfortunately, he found himself being held in place by a surprisingly firm grip.

“Wait, wait, wait. Okay, first I’m glad to hear you’re finally seeing things my way-”

“That’s really not what I said-”

“But you didn’t answer. Why do you think he’s crazy? Is it good crazy or bad crazy? I think Namjoon is crazy sometimes, but I still say he’s cool. You think they’re compatible crazy?”

“Kid,” Si Hyuk started slowly, like one talking down a dangerous animal, “I really think you should get some help.”

“Oh, hold on one second, are you the owner?”

“Will you leave if I answer that?”

“Yes?”

“Then, yes. I am the owner. Of this this coffee shop, of my growing regret in opening it, of my tired old soul who would really like for you to leave now.”

“Oh! So you know him don’t you?”

“What?”

“TPH over there, I heard you know him, like  _ know _ him! Real name and everything.”

Si Hyuk’s eyes got a menacing gleam, “And who, may I ask, did you hear that from?”

“Your entire staff loves gossiping about you two, you know,” Taehyung said, thinking fast so as not to out his informant. Hoseok would kill him if he figured Taehyung was ratting him out, accidental or not.

“The traitors…” The man hissed to himself. For all that he complained about crazy people, Taehyung wondered if Si Hyuk was aware he wasn’t exactly the poster child for sanity.

“Anyway, forget your staff. Back to our little issue, I’m going to assume you know him pretty well, then.”

“Okay, first, there’s no ‘our’ anything. Second, I don’t like where this is going.”

“So, you can probably guess his preferences.”

“I really don’t like where this is going.”

“So, you can definitely vet his suitor for him!”

“No. Nope. What-”

“So, to show that I have the best intentions at heart, I’ll let you talk to my buddy first, and then when you okay it, we can proceed with the plan.”

“Wait, what? What plan? I’m not part of any plans!”

Taehyung clasped the Si Hyuk’s hands in his before the man could flail around too much. He held them gently but firmly in between his own, running his thumb over them, as he stared deep into the owner’s wide eyes.

“I’m just going to lay it straight for you, it’s obvious you care about the guy. Otherwise, why make such an effort to maintain his anonymity. And, really, I’ve met the guy like twice, and even I can tell he’s got baggage. And no way a guy like that would still be on the market unless it’s intentional. I mean, I’m not going to lie, he works the happy thing well, but I’m good at noticing things, and that is not a happy dude.”

“I am extremely uncomfortable with both this conversation and how intimate our positions are right now. I don’t think we’re at the hand holding point of this relationship. We really shouldn’t even be at the talking point.”

Taehyung plowed on as if Si Hyuk hadn’t said anything, “Don’t you want him to be happy? Give him a chance to meet someone to drag him out of whatever slump he’s in that he has trouble even telling his favorite coffee shop his name?”

Bang Si Hyuk had several retorts lined up to toss in this loon’s face, but something held him back. Maybe crazy really was contagious.

Taking the man’s silence as acquiescence, Taehyung took the chance to lay it on thick, “I’m not saying it’s a guarantee, but I really think my friend could be a good match. He’s smart, he’s ambitious, he’s tall, he’s good looking-”

“And a bachelor?”

“It sounds horrible, but I really mean it when I say, he just hasn’t found the right one.”

“You’re right. That does sound horrible.”

“Look, you vet, you okay, they meet. They either hit it off and everyone is happy or they split. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Huh.” Si Hyuk chose to ignore the floodgate of memories attesting to just exactly how bad things could get, but once again, against his better judgement, he didn’t disagree.

Half an hour later, Si Hyuk found himself nodding along to a madman’s schemes. He glanced to the seat Seokjin had vacated earlier. The brat was doing better, he had to admit, but things seemed to be at a standstill.

Something needed to change. Si Hyuk doubted this would help much, but a change of pace might just be the thing to push him in the right direction.

Or push him off the edge.

Either way, it would be better than this stagnation.

Who knows, maybe this lunatic might be onto something.

Like the guy said, what’s the worst that can happen?

Si Hyuk worked hard to ignore a foreboding tingle up his spine.

He sighed, completely giving up on following the young man’s jabbering. Si Hyuk just wanted to be a simple coffee shop owner.

Where did it all go wrong?

 

+++

 

_ Journal Entry 7 _

_ May 5, 2013 _

 

_ I gave it a day. Mostly because I'm an idiot, which has already been established, and have no idea what to say. _

_ I tried calling a few times today. _

_ He didn't answer. I'm disappointed but can't say I'm surprised. _

_ Fuck. _

_ I'm leaving him some texts. Hope he answers. _

_ Fuck. _

 

+++

 

He was a man on a mission.

Taehyung could feel Namjoon’s glare on the side of his face, but he aggressively ignored it. If he didn't do it, no one would, and Namjoon was going to end up hunchbacked, overweight, balding and alone. Well, maybe not all those things, but two out of four was a safe bet.

After the first few questions, which Taehyung ignored because Namjoon had a very good record for talking Taehyung out of his better ideas, he decided it was for the greater good of everyone involved if he just pulled a Transporter and quietly hauled the cargo to the destination.

He may have accidentally giggled out loud at mentally labeling Namjoon as cargo, which unfortunately resulted in Namjoon giving him a very dubious, very worried look. He stopped himself from commenting and making things worse when his passenger began eyeing the door handle with some intensity.

Yeah, just step on the gas, Tae. You got this.

Si Hyuk had okayed the meeting provided that it was after hours, so as not to interfere with his work, and that Taehyung was not present, which was mostly for the owner’s blood pressure.

Thankfully it wasn't a long drive, and as Taehyung pulled up in front of the shop, he put the car in park and reached across Namjoon to pop the door open for him.

“Okay, out.”

“Out where? Why? What the fuck, Tae,” Namjoon asked, a little wild-eyed. He stubbornly kept his seatbelt on, even as the door swung wide open.

“Namjoon, just go into that coffee shop, right there. Trust me, buddy.”

Namjoon did that thing where he jutted his jaw out. It was something he always did when he was at a loss for words but rearing for a fight, so Taehyung headed it off, “Look, I kind of have someone I think you could should meet, but I’m only like 50/50 on this. Consider this, like, an interview.”

“Tae,” Namjoon’s voice was a distinctly fake sort of calm, “it’s ass o’clock at night, I’ve just had a long ass day, why in the hell would I want to fucking have a fucking  _ interview _ for a fucking date with some random ass person I’ve never fucking met?”

Taehyung opened his mouth to answer but closed it again with a click. Before Namjoon could start another rant, he realized a shadow had fallen over him and nearly gave himself whiplash when he twisted around to face the open door.

He felt his heart practically dance its way out of his chest as he took in the sight of the older and larger man leaning on the open car door.

“So,” the man drawled, “I'm going to go out on a limb and say your buddy just kidnapped you into this whole deal. Why am I not surprised?”

“Actually, it’s not kidnapping. He came of his own volition.”

“You told me we were getting coffee.”

“Which is technically true.”

“I'm going to kill you, Tae. And I'm going to burn you and put your fucking ashes behind the TV so you will always hear your favorite show but never see it.”

“Dude. That's really fucked up.”

“I know.”

The man cleared his throat and waited for the bickering duo to look at him before saying, “Not that I want to interrupt your little bonding session here, but it’s late and the quicker we get this over with the quicker I get to go home and hit the liquor.”

He pointed at Namjoon, “You, out of the car. I made us some coffee, and it’s getting cold.”

Then, he pointed with much more emphasis at Taehyung, “And  _ you _ , shoo. I don’t care where. I don’t want to see you until this is over. He’ll give you a ring. Now chop chop.”

With no other choice, and honestly, between the two, the strange man at least sounded like he half-way made some sense, Namjoon finally unbuckled and stepped out the car.

“Play nice you two!” Taehyung waved, but before he could say anything more obnoxious, the man slammed the door shut and ushered Namjoon off to the shop. Neither of them looked back.

Once inside, Namjoon had to admit it was a quaint little place and had the circumstances been different, he may have decided this was a new regular spot. As it was though, Namjoon just felt the weight of the situation hang awkwardly over the entire shop. He needed better friends.

It was easy to find his seat, or rather, his stool by the cafe bar. A steaming cup of rather delicious coffee marked the spot. He headed straight for it, figuring the man was right and getting this, whatever this was, over and done with was the best option for everyone involved.

Also, figuring that he deserved it, considering the night he was having, Namjoon took a big sip from the cup. He was pleasantly surprised by the kick of the after taste.

“Good, right?” the man asked, looking pleased for the first time that evening. “It’s the cayenne. Gives it that extra kick. My nephew thought I was crazy for making spicy coffee, but what does that idiot know.”

“Yeah. It’s delicious.”

“Good. Now, let’s get down to business. Was I right to assume you have no idea what is happening?”

“You got that one right on the head.”

“Well, this is extra awkward then. Give me one second.” He went behind the counter and returned with a flask. He uncorked it and pretty much upended the thing into his own coffee, before noticing Namjoon staring. “Want some?”

“Maybe it would be better if one of us is sober.”

“Your loss,” he said and proceeded to empty the flask into the now extremely alcoholic coffee.

“If you don’t mind me asking, who are you?”

“The name is Bang Si Hyuk. I own this place.”

“So that really tells me nothing. How do you know Tae?”

“He wandered into my shop to stalk one of my regulars.”

“Oh, my god. Are you pressing charges? Is this a legal thing? Fuck, I knew it was only a matter of time.”

“Well, those are all good questions. I really should be pressing charges, shouldn’t I? But no, insanity is rampant in these parts, and your buddy there has got a plot set out for you.”

“What?”

“He wants to set you up with my regular.”

Namjoon stared at the man. “And you’re okay with this?”

“Not really, but I figured it was best to placate the bastard before he talked my ear off.”

“I’m so sorry about him. We try to keep him away from the regular folks.”

“Yeah. But the thing is, even half listening to him, I’ve got to admit, the man can make a point.”

“What?”

“The poor idiot really needs to get back on the horse. I mean, it’s been almost a year. He needs to start getting out of his comfort zone. Go out and see the world. Too busy living in the past is what I say.”

“Wait, are you talking about your regular? You actually want me to go out with this… wait, you said ‘he’? Your regular is a man?”

“Yes. Is this going to be a problem?”

“No? But that’s surprisingly progressive of you.”

“Well, whoop-dee-do.”

“No, but what the fuck? You want me to go out with this random guy? You don’t even know me! What about him? Why the hell am I even talking to you?”

“First, it’s not you specifically. I just think it’s about time he goes out with someone; anyone, really. Or at least give it a try. And since your friend conveniently volunteered you, I figured why not. You’re talking to me because, again, your friend, the root of all our problems, thought it was best if I vetted you, since apparently the rumor mill has indicated that I am someone with the authority to do that, but really, I don’t care.”

“Do I have any say in this?”

“Not really. He’s your friend, and between the two of us, I figure you would be making it much easier on yourself if you just went along with it.”

“What about the guy? Does he have any say?”

“Actually, yes. He doesn’t know about this, so it’s all up to you. If he turns you down, then it’s a bust. And we can all go back to our regular lives. Honestly, that’s probably the best case scenario.”

Namjoon stared at the Si Hyuk. He couldn’t believe this was his life. He wished someone was there to vet his friends back in college. Maybe he really ought to kill Tae. It’d be for the greater good of the world.

He sighed, defeated. Looking at his cup of coffee, he sighed again. “I don’t suppose you have anymore of whatever it was you had in the flask.”

Instead of answering, Si Hyuk heaved off his seat and went behind the counters again. This time he came back with two flasks.

Namjoon raised an eyebrow. “You guys have a liquor license?”

“We don’t serve alcohol.”

“Then what the hell is this?”

“This is what I call my Pest Stash. I’ve had it ever since the pain in the ass started coming in, and when your buddy popped by the other day, I knew it was time to restock. Personal use only.”

“Smart man.”

“Pragmatic.”

“You mind if I take it straight.”

“Go ahead. You might need it.”

“Thanks.”

 

+++

 

_ Journal Entry 8 _

_ May 6, 2013 _

 

_ So.  _

_ We have good news, and we have bad news. _

_ Good news: he finally replied. I got a text after I low key blew up his phone. _

_ Bad news: he said I didn't have anything to apologize for and that he was going to be out of town for a few days for work, and that he'll be out of touch because of bad signal or something. _

_ I'm pretty sure that's a loud and clear give me space if there ever was one. _

_ WHY WON’T HE JUST ACCEPT MY APOLOGY! _

_ He sucks. _

_ I suck more. _

 

+++

 

Namjoon, despite his reluctance, found himself sitting in the cafe the following Sunday. Apparently, Si Hyuk had called Tae who called Namjoon five minutes before he drove by and all but hauled Namjoon off.

At least they served decent coffee here. He was rather frazzled; it was ass in the morning, and this was the one day he usually spoiled himself with a sleep-in, but not today. No, the combined force of Bang Si Hyuk and Kim Taehyung was wreaking havoc on his peaceful, organized existence. Well, once this blows up in their collective faces, he will take his sweet time in commencing with the mocking. They deserved all that he was going to send their way.

Namjoon didn't even bother dressing properly. Why put any effort into this farce? When Taehyung was banging on his apartment door, he was still stumbling around and just threw a dark sweater over his sleepwear and a cap on to cover his bed hair. The judgmental look he got from the fucker didn't help his mood at all, considering it was his fault Namjoon was even in this mess.

Regardless, he was now slouched down in one of the corner benches, trying his damned hardest to look unapproachable.

It was a slower morning and there were only one or two other patrons in the shop.

Bang Si Hyuk was standing behind the counter talking to a young man who looked just as miserable to be awake as Namjoon felt. Also, the guys looked like he put about half as much effort into his outfit as Namjoon did.

Clearly, this was a kindred spirit.

He sighed. It was a drag waiting for his boiling hot coffee to cool enough to drink. Per his order, he wanted the thing scalding enough to burn through the sleep haze.

He was just scrolling through his phone when the door chimed and a tall figure walked in. At the time, he was only vaguely aware of a whole lot of beige ambling across the room, more focused on reorganizing his playlist. But out of nowhere, Si Hyuk let out a tremendous bellow that sent everyone in the shop jumping.

“If I hear one more god damned pun-”

And then a squeaky sound cut the raging man’s tirade off. It took Namjoon a few seconds to place the sound as laughter and that the laughter was coming from the figure in an oversized beige sweater standing by the counter. He couldn't hear the customer’s response, but even from where he was sitting, he felt rather than saw exasperation from the owner.

Of course, that was when Si Hyuk looked his way and winked, tilting his head slightly at the newcomer.

Really?

This was the guy?

Sure, Namjoon wasn't expecting much, but from the last conversation with the other man, he had assumed the ‘target’ was someone he cared for more than he was willing to say. Now it seemed more like the man couldn't stand him. Or would much rather be wringing his neck.

Also, he couldn't see the guy’s face from where he was sitting, but the ridiculously giant sweatshirt was throwing him off.

Whatever. Best get this over and done with so he could say he tried and then focus his efforts on more important things, like getting his revenge. Taehyung was going to pay for dragging him into this mess.

Namjoon shoved his phone into his pocket and picked up his coffee, careful not to burn himself on the heat of the cup. Damn, he really should pay more attention to how he phrased his orders here, that is, if he ever decided to come back.

Chances of that were pretty darn slim at the moment.

He made his way over to the bar seating by the register and dropped onto one of the stools with a small huff. Namjoon was just setting down the cup, ignoring the raised eyebrow of the young man behind the counter, when he saw Sweatshirt Guy pick up his order.

He watched Sweatshirt turn toward him, his eyes on the man’s drink, some kind of icy sugary concoction that he would hardly call coffee, as the other man raised it to his lips. His eyes followed the drink upwards to the face and-

Oh.

Oh, no.

Oh, fuck, the guy was cute.

Oh, crap.

He wasn't ready. Nope. No. Oh, god. Fuck! Fuck Taehyung! Fuck Si Hyuk! Why did nobody warn him?

No. Those lips were obscene! Who let this man out in public. Shit! Sweatshirt still had a hint of a smirk on his face as he held the straw between his teeth, and-

“Hey, man. Just letting you know you look fucking stupid with your mouth hanging open like that,” said the guy behind the counter, snapping Namjoon out of his small freak-out.

He whirled toward the barista and stared at him instead.

“You alright, there?” the barista asked. “Actually, don't answer that. I don't really care.”

After a moment of disbelief, Namjoon narrowed his eyes at the guy. His name tag read ‘Yoongi’.

“Yoongi, is it? You always talk to your customers like that?”

“Only when they're being pathetic losers.”

Namjoon opened and closed his mouth a few times, before he gathered himself enough to ask, “What happened to valuing the experience here?”

“I let you know you looked dumb, didn't I? Not everyone would bother with the effort. Also, first class experience doesn't equal first class service.”

“How does that make any sense?”

“Experience means memory. We’re memorable.”

“I call bullshit.”

“You would be correct,” the barista deadpanned and pulled out his phone, apparently losing interest in the conversation.

“What?”

“That was all bullshit. Truth is I don't give enough fucks to be polite.”

“You know, honesty is not always the best policy.”

Yoongi just shrugged, eyes not leaving the phone screen.

And this goes to show that Namjoon was a horrible judge of character. He honestly thought this punk was a kindred spirit for a moment this morning.

“Is Yoongi giving you a hard time?” a soft voice came from close beside him. He jumped slightly and whipped around to look.

Oh, shit.

It was Sweatshirt. Oh, fuck.

“You should play nice with the newbies, Yoongi. How are you going to get repeats?”

“Last time Boss played nice, we got stuck with you as a regular.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Not a compliment.”

“It's a matter of perspective.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me and you know it. Everyone loves me.”

Yoongi gave a squinty-eyed glare at the man and turned to Namjoon, “This was the idiot you were checking out. Consider this me judging your poor taste in men.”

Namjoon felt his face flush and just raised his coffee to his face for a lack of a better thing to do, when he felt the warm weight of a hand on his shoulder.

He looked over and found Sweatshirt leaning close.

“Aw, don't let that grouch get to you. If it makes you feel any better, I can't blame you for looking. I would check me out any day.”

He followed that up with a wink.

And then Namjoon, instead of taking a sip like he intended, proceeded to pour the entirety of the still (amazingly) hot coffee onto his own lap.

He was not ashamed to say he let out a blood-curdling scream.

There were too many other things to be ashamed of in the chaos following the initial disaster. A startled customer kicked over a table and the tell tale crash of plates filled the air, Si Hyuk all but flew to the back for first aid, and Namjoon had knocked over an entire row of stools in his hurry to stand and slap off the excess fiery liquid.

Worst of all, the figurative icing on this mess of a cake, was Sweatshirt. The man jumped into action and quickly came to Namjoon’s rescue by tugging down his sweatpants and pressing his ice drink to Namjoon’s wounded lap.

Which was how he found himself, tears streaming down his face, standing in the middle of the coffee shop with his pants halfway down his legs, and the man of his dreams kneeling in front of him rubbing his drink on his privates.

Of course, Yoongi was recording the whole thing.

Much later, the shop was empty except for Si Hyuk, Yoongi, and Namjoon, who were all seated at the corner bench. Namjoon was holding two ice packs on his lap.

A hastily written sign taped on the door read, ‘Closed for emergency.’

The silence was overwhelming, until Si Hyuk finally broke it, “How the fuck?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon mumbled.

“No, how? What the fuck?”

“I know.”

“My shop is a mess.”

“I'm in pain.”

“What. The. Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

Yoongi, eyes still glued to his phone, which had been out since the start of this mess, decided to add, “Just so you know, this is going on instagram.”

“Yoongi, no,” Si Hyuk sighed.

“Yoongi, yes.”

 

+++

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to [allourheroes](http://allourheroes.tumblr.com) and [dharyism](http://dharyism.tumblr.com) for looking over the fic! Who knew punctuation will one day come back to bite me in the ass. Thankful hugs, y'all!

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully not too confusing. Things should clear up with later chapters, emphasis on should. Just a side note, this fic might be slow to update. I'm writing another fic at the moment that I don't want to post until completed but occasionally need a break from, so in comes this fic. 
> 
> It's really an experimental try at non-linear story-telling, so I don't know how effective it is; feel free to ask for clarifications if need be. I'll try to answer without spoiling the plot.
> 
> *Chapter Edited: July 3, 2017
> 
> Special thanks to [dharyism](http://dharyism.tumblr.com), [juvi-lockser](http://juvi-lockser.tumblr.com), and [allourheroes](http://allourheroes.tumblr.com) for looking over the fic! Cleaning up my hot mess is a task, so hugs, y'all!


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